I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
