the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
