pedialite and red bull = repair kit
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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