Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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