I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
