I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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