Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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