Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
