Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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