You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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