are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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