I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize