So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sorry about my life...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
