She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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