Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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