and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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