Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
smell my finger.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
