he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
