he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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