I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
