Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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