i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
