watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
