I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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