I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I am naked and annoyed.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
