Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
