I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
