Well apparently he's into motor boating.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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