walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
