apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
This is classic penis vs brain.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
