then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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