Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
