dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
