Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
