Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
