I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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