Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
you never un-have a 4some
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
