did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
