I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize