Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
