We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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