So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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