Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
