Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
