I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You're so nebulous sometimes
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
a search helicopter?!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
