I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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