please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
