They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I need water and some morals
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