Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
