Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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