The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
