I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
