I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
