Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
