Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
