he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
