I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
