Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
