It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
