no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
