I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
