I seem to have left my pride at pride
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
