It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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