woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
